MARCH 2nd 2011 - BREAKING NEWS:
ZOMBIE RUAIRI RETURNS FROM THE GRAVE!
Hey there. You may be wondering where the savage bloody hell I've been since... years I guess. It's a good question. I've actually been dead. I was viciously and repeatedly murdered back in 2008.
Here is a picture of my frozen corpse:
As you can see from my expression, it was totally worth it, as I got the shot.
I should note that If you find this image curiously arousing, then please do not try to contact me. Weirdo. I may be dead, but I'm not into necrophilia.
It's been rough being dead, but I've recently been resurrected in an elaborate necromantic ceremony (which, unfortunately cost several people their lives, and a number of others their dignity.) But the upshot of all it this is that I have returned to Earth once again in something approximating humanoid form.
It's pretty tricky possessing a human body, not dissimilar to operating a marrionette, so it'll take a while for me to get used to driving this new form. But the good news is that my reign of terror will begin again soon. I'd like to thank all of you out there who sacrficed small furry animals in my name. Unfortunately as it turns out, it was a waste of time, for the great lord Cthuhu cares not for your pathetic blood sacrifices. ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn! (But it's the thought that counts I suppose...)
I've been furiously been jotting down all the ideas I had while I was a disembodied spirit, so it's gonna take a little while to get all this stuff running up to speed. So you will have to bear with me.
In the meantime, here's a teaser for a short film I ghost-directed. It's called BlinkyTM and it's the story of a boy and his robot. It stars Max Records from Where The Wild Things Are.
Here are some images from the film:
FROM HERE ONWARDS IS OLD CRAP SO DON'T BOTHER SCOLLING DOWN.
NOTHING NEW TO SEE HERE. BACK UP YOU GO, THANKS.
22nd February 2002
WAS NOMINATED FOR AN OSCAR! HOLY FUCKING SHIT!
5 years ago... Ok this is old news, but until something MORE
important happens to me, Like I get Knighted or fly to Jupitor
(or win a goddamn Oscar) this stays at the top of the page
in the latest news.
wrote/directed/edited/storyboard this and did 95% of the visual
effects myself. The film stars Don Wycherley (Batchelors Walk),
Cillian Murphy (28Days/Later/Sunshine/Batman Begins/Breakfast
on Pluto) and Garvan Mcgrath.
is the film that finally got me an agent in Hollywood, where
an Oscar nomination failed, and hopefully might help me secure
one of those "career" things I keep hearing people
talking about. I've had many many feature film scripts sent
to me in the last couple of months from big fancy hollywood
studios, which is utterly fantastic (but would be nice to
be able to pay my goddamn rent in the meantime, before I get
ahead of myself) so a big thanks to me in the past for finishing
the film. I couldn't have done it without past me. Future
me, you better not fucking fail present me in my hour of need.
Kudos to Nick Ryan too, for
producing the thing for me. And the cast/rest of crew of course.
I owe a lot of favours that I hope to *actually* repay some
there you go. I hope you enjoy it. Actually it's not exactly
light and fluffy so you probably won't "enjoy" it
precisely, but I hope it's not too disappointing. And if it
is, well unfortunately there are no refunds.
film is really "funny".
a side note, umm... it's become increasingly apparent to me
that despite the crap I write on this website, which unless
you (yeah, you. No not you -- you.) are fucking retarded will
realise is mostly a joke, that I'm not actually very good
at hyping myself up, and have occasionally lost jobs to people
whose work is crap because I haven't promised bullshit I can't
deliver. There are people who can walk into a room, and tell
clients exactly what they want to hear just to get the job,
then deliver mediocre shit. I'm not one of those people. And
I can't stand buzzwords.
this current paragraph is designed to change all that. So
brace yourself for the EDGIEST, GRITTIEST most cutting edge
film YOU HAVE EVER SEEN, it will blow your mind! It pushes
the envelope so hard it will give your boner a boner! It's
so gritty and edgy, it actually takes "it" to the
next level, even though nobody has ever, ever figured what
"it" is before. Well I have! the "IT"
we've all been talking about for years is MY FILM! It's so
amazing it will refinance your home, enlarge your penis AND
save the Whales. It's THAT good.
about that commercial. Did I mention I'm available to direct?
The set will contain small traces of grit, and there will
be visible edges on it. Any scenes shot in an elevator, I
will personally take the crew up to the next vertical level
and shoot the scene there instead. I will place envelopes
on the set so that I can push them around with my bare hands.
I'm even willing to cut the edges off those envelopes! Cuz
that's just how I roll. Alternately just tell me what you
want to hear, and I'll say that instead. Are we in synergy?
decided to get a myspace site before someone with the same
name takes it, you never know how many Ruairí Robinson
clones there are out there, so better safe than sorry. Or
whatever. Here's the bloody link.
THE FUCKING PRESSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nominated writer/director Ruairí Robinson went to the
shops, and while he had a hard time choosing what he wanted
to eat for dinner, he eventually managed successfully to get
- pack of jaffa cakes,
- 3x chomp bars,
- pack of table-water crackers,
- 2 litre bottle of milk,
- pack of Kilmeaden Red Chedder Cheese,
- tub saxa table salt,
- pack of brown demerara sugar,
- pack Roma Vermicelli pasta,
- 1x dvd copy mission impossible 3 (surprisingly good, for
a non-fan of these movies)
- 1x dvd copy Miami Vice (surprisingly crap, for a big fan
of Michael Mann)
- bottle Newman's own balsamic vinegarette,
- Fillet Steak
- Iceberg Lettuce,
- Basmati rice,
- birds eye frozen garden peas.
- representation with CAA, the biggest and most powerful talent
agency in hollywood.
He enjoyed his meal, such as it was, and looks forward to
more meals, and to hopefully making a feature film in the
not too distant future.
an artists impression of my ego, engulfing all of Tokyo.
an artists impression of my ego, engulfing all of Tokyo. Heeere
we go again! Sorry Tokyo.
I now have official third party confirmation that I'm a hip
and happening trendy cool gritty young transcultural urbanite
trendsetter, taking edgyness to the next level, 24/7. You
just can't take the realness of what I'm laying down. To the
max, baybeee. To the extreeeme.
an extended leave of absense (basically, me head down/at home/working
non stop)... My Short film "The Silent City" (formerly
known as THE LEVELLER) is FINALLY completed. I hope it was
worth it, because I'm fucking broke.
screened in the Cork
Film Festival on recently, and hopefully will be shown
in many more festivals after that. It's been submitted to
Sundance, and we'll see if it gets in (Fifty Percent Grey
did, so I live in hope!)
uploaded a trailer, in various resolutions, up to full HD
I can't upload the whole film online for the moment, until
it's cleared a few more festivals first, But I'll be uploading
some new images and info on the visual effects soon... I've
done a whole post production making of which shows the whole
film with/without the effects, and breakdowns of some of the
shots into the various passes to show how much work went into
the visual effects. If enough people are interested, I may
post this video (or do a web edit, since it pretty much gives
the whole thing away)
gotta say, I don't know what I think about the film as a whole
anymore, but some of the images in it are still pretty strong,
and I'm certainly happy with the way the film LOOKS. The whole
thing was finished off at High Def, and it's been a fantastic
testbed for me to gear up techwise, and skillwise for anything
almost anything that work throws me in the future. Basically
I'm set up to shoot/edit and complete a feature film in high
def now, without having to rely too much on anyone
yeah, and if you like the work you see here, I should mention
I'm available to direct commercials, features, wedding videos,
porn... pretty much anything. You know, as long as I get to
keep my dignity...
directed a Special K Commercial a little while back - Shot
on 35mm, a little bit of CG, the longest packshot in the history
of the world ever, and Hey-Presto. You can view it HERE
in quicktime format (21 megs)
nothing revolutionary, but it's a neat enough little idea,
and It's cool to finally be paid to shoot stuff live action.
So it was a nice little first (commercial) step into the world
of no longer being "The Animation Guy".
get hundreds of emails every day asking me questions, like
do I want to increase my penis size, or purchase prescription
drugs, so for no causally connected reason, I've put together
a quick FAQ of commonly asked questions that I should be asked
all the time but for some reason never am. Not frequently
enough anyway. By frequently, I mean ever. And I check through
each an every spam mail hoping they might be a fan of my work.
I remain hopeful.
How come you are so fucking amazing?
I'm not really all that amazing. It's just that most people
really are just... crap. I consider myself just slightly above
average, it's just that the average is set so painfully low,
that in comparison, I guess you could say, I'm amazing.
wow, you really have a big fucking ego, what's your problem?
really don't have an ego. In fact, I have a really low opinion
of myself. I am shit. But, if we are to refer back to question
1, well what does that make you? (na na na nya nah)
Wow, you really have an ego, how come you are so fucking amazing?
you are thick. Shut up you donkey raping shiteater. (doesn't
that phrase just roll off the tongue, like morning dew doesn't)
I've been meaning to set up an IQ test before allowing people
admittance to this site. Bit I'm too lazy to set it up. In
answer to your question, a regular diet of Coca Cola and Domino's
Pizza, gives me the healthy boost and mental stimulation I
need to motivate me to pursue my dreams of working in advertising,
on such great brands as Coca Cola and Domino's Pizza.
Fifty Percent Grey Sucks. It's really stupid. I don't get
because it makes no sense. I was hoping to sucker people into
thinking it was meaningful, but unfortunately most people
saw right through it. Sorry.
I am a really hot supermodel with really low standards, will
you have sex me right now?
I'd love to and everything, but because of my self destructive
tendencies (I'm an "artist" you see) would probably
ruin my own chances by saying something really stupid.
But I'm serious. I'm so hot for you right now Rory, take me
not how my name is spelt. Are you stupid or something? My
name is written all over this website, and you don't even
have the common courtesy to spell it right? Are you a fucking
retard or something? Are you? ARE YOU? Get out of my site,
OF MY SITE
you deaf too? I said fuck off!!!!!
Fine be like that then. Fuck you too. Piece of shit. Are you
a fucking fag or what?
not Gay, fuck you. wait... come back... I'm not gay...........
I mention I was really cool? Me! Look I was nominated for
an Oscar! Wooo, look! Shiny!
ANY MORE QUESTIONS?
a commercial on Friday - GOD HELP US ALL!
(I'm pretty sure the client hasn't seen my website. Dodged
the bullet on that one. Suckers.)
you might be thinking; "Jesus, do you ever get tired
of talking about yourself, what a goddamn loser, all you ever
talk about here is how you won this or shouldda won that or
couldda been a contender, when in fact you really are a boring
little man with no life, no friends, no future prospects,
nothing to say and nobody to share your misery with,"
But you'd be completely wrong. Not only am I fucking amazing,
and have hundreds of billions of dollars in the bank, enough
to buy all the friends I'll ever need, but I'm also... er...
Sorry I've run out of things to say here. Except for the humm
of my raid array, this room is really quiet. I'm hungry.
advertiser that has the strongest and most consistent performance,
based on all the work recognized by the Marketing Awards jury
across all categories, is presented with a special Marketing
Awards Advertiser of the Year prize each year. The 2006 recipient
is the BC Dairy Foundation in Burnaby, B.C. for the work promoting
milk, produced by DDB Vancouver. The campaign was honoured
with 14 awards, including three golds, five silvers, two bronzes
and four certificates."
brings the grand total of awards won by milk to... umm...
I've lost count. (And I'm not being facetious - Im really
just too lazy to add them up!)
of the milk commercials I directed were rendered at film rez
for cinema projection, so I have those now in all their úber
shiny super image tastic high definition glory, at full 1080p
1920x1080 resolution, using the h.264 codec thingy.
Also, they are on the web already, but I've uploaded full
rez high quality versions of the other 2 of the last 3 milk
The film is written, Directed and animated
by Eoin Ryan
Visited Blur Studios
V. cool setup there. and nice people
too. Was shown around, and saw some fantasmic pre-production
concepts from their new features in development as well as
a new short film they are working on, which they didn't specically
say I shouldn't talk about here, but using what few brain
cells I have left, I can assume they wouldn't want me to.
sat in to a story meeting for the short film, was interesting
to see how they work. Since as a rule I can't have any posting
here without in some way making it weird or negative or bitter
sounding, I'll just ad that I hate them, because they are
getting to make feature films now, and I'm not. Bastards. www.blur.com
added a guestbook at the bottom of the page.
sign it. It's just making me look like a loser if nobody signs
it. Please...? I'll be your best friend!
just registered a couple of new urls, which means I now own
11 in total. This includes the urls of serveral film properties
I'd like to make, when I'm big. Am I wasting my time? maybe,
but it's not very expensive. I'm not going to list those urls
here though, because... I don't want to.
yet many much additional more awards for Milk!!!!!!!!
night, the New York Festivals were held in New York City.
As opposed to, for example, Rome, Italy. The following awards
were given to DDB Canada for the B.C. Dairy campaign "Survival
of the fittest".
/ Sabertooth / T-Rex' - Best Animation: Computer/
3D Silver World Medal
'T-Rex' Cinema Commercial
Bronze World Medal
'Rock' Beverages: Non-Alcoholic
particularly nice to win international awards, so you don't
have to worry about any trace of nepotism, patriotism or Jingoism
creeping into the decision making process, and of course the
whole small pond thing. And I feel very strongly about this,
as I find my self saying with increasing regulalarity when
I'm in a drunken stupor, which I find myself in with increasing
regularity. So maybe I'm just being paranoid.
I've uploaded some pictures from my new live action short
film "The Leveller" onto my website. The film stars
Cillian Murphy (28 days later/Batman Begins) Don Wycherley
(Batchelors Walk, Veronica Guerin) and Garvan McGrath.
going to be going to LA for a couple of weeks, from 9th to
24th of January, to do a little bit of work. Which is cool
but it means I have to put my short film on hold again for
the gazillionth time.
is Ruairí's evil twin brother Oisín. Actually
he's not Ruairi's twin as you can clearly tell from this photo,
and he's not evil. Ruairi is the evil one.
Also Ruairí is much more focused as an individual.
That by the way, was a joke. Ok it wasn't a very good one.
Oisín is playing bass at a gig in Crawdaddy on friday
6th Jan. I will also be there if you want to beat me up.
IN LACK OF SLEEP SHOCKER!
news today is, I'm really tired cuz I didn't sleep last night
cuz I was putting together this website.
the good news, (I've crammed all these recent awards things
together since I'm only getting around to doing my website
at the start of 2006). The Thorntons
Ad I directed at The
Mill in London, was just nominated for 2 awards at the
British Animation awards (if I've got the name correct) for:
best animated commercial
- The Public Choice Award 2005 (the ‘best of the best’
creative work in all categories)
the even better news. The Milk Ads
I directed have recently won some new awards - 7 of them,
at the Shark awards.
The awards included
- Best Animation,
- Best New Director (Ruairí Robinson)
- and the Palme D'Or for best production company.
- It also won an award for winning the most awards!
a quote from the festival director, carefully excluding the
parts that aren't about me:
Holohan, Festival Director, commenting on this year's show
said ‘We had a fantastic event this year. Though the
rain tried to wash us into the Fergus, the quality of the
events we staged and the work that was entered kept everyone's
spirits high. It was especially gratifying to see a jury of
such international renowned award so many trophies to Irish
commercials. Zanita Films' Milk work was so extraordinary
and humorous that it just jumps out at you from the screen."
goes on to talk about some other AD that I didn't do being
his favourite of the show, but since this is my website, I've
done a FOX NEWS on the quote and only included the relevant
portion that makes me look good.
on the subject of Fox News, I've taken the liberty of rearranging
the quote, and selectively omitting some stuff, and adding
a few extra words, to make the festival director sound like
a raging alchoholic. Now I don't know the guy at all, I don't
think I've ever met him, and I have nothing against him. I'm
just doing this because I'm bored. anyway, in the spirit of
Fox News, here's the new quote:
Holohan, Festival Director, commenting on this year's show
said "Gimme some fuckin' drink or I'll bust yer head
open and shit in it. Bastards! Bastards the lorra yiz! do
you think you're better than me? I'll show you, I'll show
all of youse, fuckin' bastards. Oh and Ruairi Robinsons Milk
commercials are the best ads ever made in the universe ever."
My kind of press release quote.
and even more recently, and almost as goodly, the ads won
3 awards at the ICADS
Gold for Best campaign
- craft award for Best directing
- Bronze for Animation
Robinson, commenting on this year's show said "Gimme
some fuckin' drink or I'll bust yer head open and shit in
it. Bastards! Bastards the lorra yiz! do you think you're
better than me? I'll show you, I'll show all of youse, fuckin'
AN AWARDS ORGY!
and I'm on a roll-ly, Wow! Even more awards news! Are you
sick of it yet? The Milk Ads are nominated for another 2 awards
at the 02 digital media awards:
- best digital post production
up against a friend of mine in those categories for his short
animated film! So if he beats me, I'll beat him, up.
Robinson, commenting on this year's show said "We are
pleased and delighted to see me being nominated for so many
awards in such a short period of time. It just goes to show
how when you take your work "to the next level",
people will all be "in synergy" in their united
"transcultural" praise for the extraordinary "edgyness"
of this work. It's great to be able to supply animation of
such a high standard as "a commodity" for our clients,
and I look forward to taking it to the next level in the future
"FUCK YOU" news, someone recently posted on Atomfilms.com
pretending to be me, posting disparaging comments about a
short film made by friends of mine, under my name (spelt incorrectly,
of course). All I can say is, whoever you are, go fuck yourself.
really, fuck yourself. I don't need this shit. So it's either
someone I know, or some loser from creativireland.com
who I pissed off in the past. Man they just can't take the
realness of what I'm laying down.
on my list man. And it's a small list. Here's the list.
I find you, you'll regret it. Especially the part with the
Giraffe, which is just disgusting, even to me**.
non news, my house is cold for the third consecutive winter.
You would think by now I'd do something about it.
DO I THINK ANYONE CARES NEWS?!!!!!
incredibly non-news Point Blank still isn't out on DVD. Who
gives a shit I hear you ask? I do, me and some other people
I've never met. It's probably the only DVD I don't have yet
but really want. I have a lot of dvds.***
HAVE NO LIFE NEWS!
DVD watching news, I recently watched 3 series of Curb Your
Enthusiasm back to back, with just a brief sleep break in
between. You may think I'm a loser for doing this, and you
are right, but the show is fucking funny, in my humble opinion,
the best comedy show on tv.
know it's tempting to make fun of him. but it's just cruel.
specially trained for certain "actions".
***A lot of dvds
Look! a badly designed guest book feature! If I knew anything
about html this wouldn't be so sloppy.